06.09.09
Posted in Mental Illness at 4:38 am by Administrator
Several weeks ago I read about a suicide on the flyover at Highway 290 and IH 35 not far from where I live in Austin, Texas. This suicide has been on my mind ever since and my heart has ached for both the victim and her family. For “her” because she obviously felt she had no hope and gave up on life. I hurt for the grieving family she left behind.
Yesterday I read in the local newspaper a story about three of the eyewitnesses and the disturbing impact it had on them. One was having a particularly difficult time because witnessing this suicide compelled her to revisit her own suicidal thoughts of jumping to her death just a few years ago. I hope she will be able to turn this experience into a gift. A personal gift for her. The gift of life. I hope she will realize the ripple effect suicide has on not only family and friends, but the loss that one single life has on society. I hope it will cause her never to entertain a suicidal thought again. If those thoughts ever come creeping back into her consciousness, I hope she will get professional help immediately. Suicide is a preventable public health problem and it affects everyone.
I found relief in the article when I read the words, “Her name was Jill.” Every suicide victim has a name. This person was somebody. Somebody’s child, sibling, parent, cousin – someone. And her name was Jill. Jill Haralson the paper said.
Her parents are on my mind and in my prayers. Complete strangers to me, I am connected to them as a fellow survivor. The gift of compassion is a blessing and a curse. Empathetic thoughts without relief, I understand and I feel.
I have always avoided this flyover because of my fear of heights. This suicide made an impact on me because I know what it is like to lose a loved one to suicide. My older brother took his life at age fifty-one. He was somebody too. His name was Rick. He was a son, a father, a brother, and an uncle. I refuse to allow his suicide to overshadow his remarkable life. It’s just not right for a few moments to erase the years.
I am certain that Jill had a remarkable life too. “Because He lives I can face tomorrow,” but facing it without our loved one is painful. I pray that Jill’s family and friends can let go of what can become incessant thoughts of: “I wish I could have…” “I wish I had only known…” “If only I…” I pray for comfort knowing that Jill is finally home resting in peace. A peace we can never humanly comprehend while on this earth. Nor can we comprehend the hopelessness Jill must have felt.
Helpful links:
www.save.org
www.suicidepreventionlifeline.
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05.27.09
Posted in Musings at 11:46 pm by Administrator
Today I was going to vent my frustration – triggered by a telephone call. The call sent my thoughts decades in reverse. Childhood memories triggered. Yes, all the way back elementary school. Certainly I’m not alone in remembering the days when someone in the class, not you or me, but someone else acted inappropriately and the teacher held the entire class responsible. The teacher would either keep the class after the dismissal bell rang, or issued an ultimatum of “no recess today.” All because someone else was smarting off, or didn’t do their work. I remember how I felt, don’t you? I had a smoldering, burning ember inside of me fueled by the thought, “It’s not fair!” Everyone else was paying the penalty for someone else’s behavior.
I was irritated by this morning’s phone call. It was a bill collector calling for someone else, not me. To say that it irks me when a caller is seeking one of my adult children because of delinquent bills or an unpaid traffic ticket is an understatement. I taught them better than that. I can’t even comprehend their reasoning when it comes to unpaid traffic tickets.
So what’s with the phone call? The collection agency wasn’t calling for one of my kids, the person was asking for my husband’s ex-wife, whom I’ll call, Ann (not her real name). Mind you, I’ve been married to my husband for twenty-one years. Ann has never had this address nor telephone number. Obviously a search engine has spit out every possible connection to Ann and my telephone number was among them. I was courteous to the caller, told him more information than he probably wanted to know, but I am hoping word will get out, please, “I didn’t do it and I’m not responsible!”
Not only did the phone call send my thoughts to the past, they flew to the future too. I recently read that our “current administration” is hammering the credit card companies. They will no longer be able to have hidden fees associated with unpaid balances. The purpose is to protect the consumer that gets behind on payments. The credit card companies plan to recover the loss by charging everyone an annual fee for a credit card. I use a credit card for most of my purchases to earn air miles. I pay the balance in full every month. Because other people spend more than they can afford, I will soon pay a fee for every card I hold. It just doesn’t see fair to pay more because someone else can’t manage his money. Granted, some lose jobs and have other circumstances. Don’t get me wrong, I am thankful for my blessings and I want to help those in need. I’m talking about the ones who scam the rest of us: the ones who don’t play fair.
Yep, I was going to really raise a stink about this today. And then I heard my parents’ voices from the past telling me, “life isn’t fair.” It is true life isn’t fair. I am not so perfect and someone paid the price for me. He paid with His life to pay my ransom. Thank you Jesus, that life isn’t fair.
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